Ten years ago, one of my
closest friends, Pip O’Neill, died of secondary breast cancer. Four years
later, my mother died of the same disease. Their illnesses were brutal, painful
and progressed rapidly; despite this, their last months were joyful, their
deaths, peaceful. I wrote about both in my Bible study guide on approaching the
end of life, citing them as examples of ‘good’ death, proof that with the right
supports in place, dying can be done well. In the same book, I also talked
about ‘bad’ death - when it is unexpected or managed badly - leaving bereaved
families and friends desolate and angry. In both cases, I looked to Bible
passages that could be helpful for us to contemplate how we live with the
inevitability of the people we love dying.
I had no idea that the
book would be launched in the middle of a world-wide pandemic that has suddenly
put all of us at risk of death. Nor that the disease would be so infectious
that in many cases it separates dying people from their friends and family. Having
witnessed how beautiful death can be, it is horrifying to see how coronavirus
disrupts that process.
I was lucky to experience
these deaths in normal times, because death in a time of coronavirus, is very
different. I am haunted by the knowledge of all the people who haven’t been able
to say goodbye properly in the way I did: all the lonely deaths that have
happened, are happening, and are to come. The news brings such stories every day, the
elderly parent rushed into hospital, the young husband who deteriorated
suddenly, and most poignantly, the thirteen-year-old boy buried alone while his
family watched on Zoom. There are also stories of great compassion: the doctor
who held the phone to the ear of a dying patient while his son whispered the
words of a Jewish prayer; the nurses who
promise us on social media that they’ll sit with our loved ones as they die; the
medical teams arranging video calls to connect families at the end.
Although we know elderly
people and those with underlying health conditions are most at risk of this
disease, we could all potentially fall victim to it. Death in a time of
coronavirus has thus made explicit that we are all mortal. It has raised
ethical questions about who gets treatment when resources are finite. It has
placed ordinary people in critical jobs in danger, for just going to work,
whether it be in the health service, care homes, transport, or shops. It has
reminded us that, as always, the poor, the sick, people from BAME communities,
refugees, homeless, will bear the brunt of both the illness and the economic
fallout of a pandemic.
So how do we make sense of
it all? How do we maintain a sense of
hope amidst the growing death toll, where every number reflects the loss of a
much-loved family member or friend? Where
we all have that gnawing anxiety that perhaps we or someone we love might end
up on one of those lists?
Well firstly, it’s worth trying
to manage our fear, to reflect that most of us are likely to get through this
OK. And, realise that this pause in our
hectic modern lives gives us an opportunity to breathe deep, be grateful for
all the good we experience, for all the people we love and who love us.
Palliative care expert Dr Kathryn Mannix (1) also says it’s a good time to have
conversations about our expectations about death with the close friends and
family, so if we find ourselves facing it, we’ll be better prepared.
Secondly, we can use this
time to good purpose, to call on our governments to build a better world when
the pandemic is over. A world where people who work in health, social care,
transport, supermarkets and other frontline jobs are recognised not just with
claps, but with decent wages and conditions.
Where all lives are valued equally and everyone receives basic income, so
no-one suffers from financial insecurity during economic crises. Where the
environment is valued more than profit, and climate change becomes a thing of
the past.
Finally, we can look to
scripture. This passage from Isaiah is worth learning off by heart, in case we
find ourselves alone and afraid,
‘do not be afraid, for I
am with you;
do not be alarmed, for I
am your God.
I give you strength, truly
I help you,
truly I hold you firm with
my saving right hand.’
Isaiah 41:10
The God who formed us ‘in
the womb’ who ‘knew’ us from before the time we were born, is always with us,
and will be at the end.
If the worst happens and
someone we love does die, it will be terrible and sudden. We will not need
platitudes, rather we should feel free to express us ourselves like David,
‘Then David took hold of
his clothes and tore them, and all the men with him
did the same. They mourned
and wept and fasted until evening, for
Saul and his son Jonathan,
for the people of the LORD and for the House of
Israel, because they had
fallen by the sword.’
2 Samuel 11-12
Grief is always complex
and hard, in a time of coronavirus, it will be even more so. But God will not desert us, for
‘he heals the brokenhearted
he binds up all their
wounds.’
Psalm 147:3
Let us pray that all who
are mourning, feel such comfort now and in the days to come.
(This blog is dedicated to
all who have lost their lives to coronavirus, the families who mourn them and
the health workers who care for all the sick and dying).
1. Kathryn
Mannix is author of ‘With the End in Mind’.
You can follow her on Twitter @DrKathrynMannix where she is encouraging
people to talk frankly about death and dying and then get on with life
#havetheconversation
***
Each day, we will post a
short article by one of Darton, Longman and Todd’s amazing authors, offering a
personal reflection on our current situation in life. Sometimes this will be
written with reference to one of their books, and sometimes about how they are
living in response to the COVID-19 coronavirus and our current world situation.
We hope it will give you a taste of the depth and diversity of DLT’s list –
books for heart, mind and soul that aim to meet the needs and interests of all.
Today’s post is by
Virginia Moffatt, author of three books for DLT: How the Bible Can Help Us
Understand Approaching the End of Life (buy the eBook here,
or a print copy here),
Reclaiming the Common Good (eBook,
print),
and Nothing More and Nothing Less (print).
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