Good stress management isn't about running from stress

Psychologist and church leader Kate Middleton explains ...

It was great to see another article this week looking at how to get better at managing stress - and specifically saying it is not about running away from stress. So many people I work with have been told that because they are struggling with stress related problems, they need to cut back massively on what they do. Now given that these are usually passionate, driven people, they do not want to do this. And if they do they often fight an overwhelming feeling that they have failed in some way, and/or carry an intense frustration that they, for some reason, are not able to carry the responsibilities that some do - that they cannot do the things they want to be able to do. 

What frustrates me most about this approach to stress 'management' is the impact it has on people - often devastating them, making them feel like 'lesser' people. They look at other, seemingly super-people, doing loads, carry lots, vibrant, energetic and not apparently troubled by stress, and they feel bad about themselves. WOuldn't a better approach to people struggling because of stress be to teach them how to handle it better? To hep them see why they might be more prone to difficulties with stress than others? To help them deal with common emotions like anxiety which are so often a major part of problematic stress? And to teach good strategies and techniques for relaxing and counteracting stress in those manic times?

What I am talking about is the essence of that article - how we become more resilient to stress. People who seem to do a lot without buckling under the weight of stress still experience stress - believe me (spoken as someone about to move countries and juggling 2 kids, 1 husband, 1 cat, 1 house build and about 4 different jobs throughout that process!). So you cannot ever totally avoid stress - and if our approach to stress management tells you to do so we risk teaching people to fear stress - which is bound to make them even more stressed the next time one of life's storms hit! The truth is, the more stress you experience, the more chances you have to learn to be good at handling it. 

Remember if you are stressed out right now - or if you have hit a rough patch and are experiencing burn out - none of us get this right all the time. If you have come unstuck, do take some time out, recharge your batteries, rest and don't start picking things up again till you are ready to. But don't make stepping out your long term solution. Start to develop your resilience right now - learn some good skills for managing stress and perhaps take some time to look into why you might be at risk of not dealing with it so well. Make sure that every time you get it wrong you learn so that next time you have a better chance of getting it right! Make a mental note of warning signs you may have missed this time but need to pay attention to next time. Because you were not created to live a half-life - you were created for life to the FULL! And if you want to be able to push yourself you need to be really good at managing stress. 

Kate Middleton is the author of Refuel: How to balance work, life, faith and church – without burning out. The book is available in paperback and eBook priced £9.99. Meanwhile, check out www.refuel1211.co.uk for more information on stress.